The weekend was… miserable. The car guy still doesn’t really have a working phone and so I only got to speak with him briefly when he was able to borrow his roommate’s phone. And we didn’t get together at all. I’m starting to wonder just how much more of this I can tolerate. I’m a tad bit on the high maintenance side – I need to see my man on a fairly regular basis to be happy and that just isn’t happening. I don’t know what to do about it though. I mean, I really like him and like spending time with him, but those times seem to be coming farther and farther apart.
So I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands and tomorrow night I’m going on a date with a different guy. This one is a little bit younger than I am – not younger like the kid was though. He’s not as attractive as the car guy is but he’s here in town and he seems to be pretty interested in me, so we’ll just see what happens I guess. Part of me feels guilty for doing this, the other part of me says it’s my life and I deserve to be happy. I don’t know what to do anymore.
And I am so utterly bored at work that it’s not even funny. There’s only so much surfing the web you can do in a day, and there are only so many smoke breaks I can take. I’m really trying to cut back on how much I smoke because I just can’t afford it. Cigarettes are so expensive anymore it’s ridiculous! I’m paying almost $6 a pack for the good kind, $4 for the generics. Today I’m taking my penny jar to the bank to see how much I can scrape up that way. Money is not good for me right now. I’ve got way too much debt and not enough money coming in to cover it all. I’m gonna have to work on that in the coming months so I can get my shit in order before the conference in October so I can have a little spending money.
I’m supposed to hear sometime this week whether or not our proposal to present at the conference has been accepted. I’m getting a little nervous about it – I hate not knowing. Part of me says I should start working on developing the materials just in case. The other part says don’t waste your time you aren’t going to get accepted anyway. I hate always being so fatalistic, but I can’t help it. With the kind of luck I have it just doesn’t make sense to be optimistic about this kind of thing. Of course I did get the scholarship to go to the conference, so maybe, just maybe, this means we’ll get accepted and be able to share our stuff afterall. Who knows…
Today I get to tell my therapist that he can take his DBT crap and shove it. I talked to my mom and got her to agree that I could drop the class as long as I read the manual. I am so excited by this I can’t begin to express it. I hated that class from day one and it just went downhill from there. The DR teaching it is a royal bitch – I can’t stand her! I don’t think my therapist is going to be very pleased about this, but I really don’t care. It’s my life, I’ll fuck it up if I want to, thank you very much.
